Friday, April 13, 2012
Just looked through all my posts. This blog was started in 2009 I think. I don't think I have changed much as a person. Still the same old Jeremy. But my language is definitely a lot of better. It was so scary to look at those posts. Reminded me of everything that I had went through and how certain things just never change.
I guess I will always be as insecure as I am now but that is human nature yea? Oh well.. Life continues. LOVE THE MUSIC I AM LISTENING TO! :D
Stuffs I painted @ Friday, April 13, 2012
3 weeks more to NS.. Hmmm... Don't know to what to feel at all...
After A level results is has been all about uni and uni. Thinking about my future. How to plan for it. Where will I be in 5 years time? Who will I live around in 5 years time? It is really scary.. As I have mentioned in my very few blog posts last year, I really hate change.. I have always believe that it is sufficient to just have a few close friends around you and that is all you need in terms of your social life.. But as I think more about it, I cannot name any friends that I feel truly truly close to now. The emphasis is on NOW. I had amazing memories with all of my close friends.. But those are just memories.. There is nothing substantial that I am building now in terms of friendship.
Yea. Probably I will go NS and have another group of close friends and just enjoy them for the next 2 years. After that? It seems like all my close friends are just friends from one part of my past. Every person or each group represents just one part of my whole 18years.. The feeling of falling into empty space sucks.
I serious dislike it when I rant. I hate people who rant and those people are usually those that I do not want to associate myself with.. I can do things to improve my friendship.. Yea yea. All cliches and I know it works. It is just if I want to do something about it rather than just sit in front of a computer and type...
Really really dislike what I am now. URGH. bye.
Stuffs I painted @ Friday, April 13, 2012
Friday, June 10, 2011
2.25am. I am still awake. Actually, I have been awake at this time for the past few days (whole of the holidays till now). I am waking up at 11am - 12pm everyday. I stone for a while and then figure out what to have for lunch (or even if I would want to have). After which, when I feel like it I will scribble 3-5 letters on a paper, as if I am doing work. Then, I will go back in front of the computer and watch videos and see updates on Facebook. By 3-4pm, I will recieve a call from my grandfather asking what to eat for dinner. Following that, I continue to waste my time. Then I will get my dinner, gobble it up and stone in front of the television for a while. Usually by 10pm, I will do a little more work and finish probably 1/10 of what I set to finish for the day. Then, I will try to keep in touch with the world by reading newspaper and half of the time I can't absorb anything in. While I do that, I will watch my taiwan variety show and also put on mask (just started in the hols) to heal my horrible skin. By then, it is about 12am. I will try to sleep, but eventually will end up in front of the computer watching Youtube videos till I get tired and sleep. It will usually be about 2-3am. That roughly sums up my unproductive day when I am staying at home. I do literally nothing. I have no excuse for myself. I am just lazy. Pure lazy. I just read a SMS that I sent 5months ago to some one close, and it reads: " When people are busy with work, relationships with friends tend to break and gets lost. But luckily for me, mine are still there.' My heart literally scrunged up after reading that line. One of the reason is that I haven't even been talking much to that person I sent that SMS to. A recent meet up with my closest group of friends has also caused me to think a bit. Has things really changed? Personally, I hate changes. There have been so much changes in my life for the past 18 years that I really really really do not like when things are changing. It takes me a while to accept that it is really changing and a longer time to adapt to the change. I am ranting a lot and I feel like a spoilt kid. Someone that has no sense that there are people in the other parts of the world that are living in worse conditions than you. There might be even people in my own country, Singapore. But I am really feeling horrible, terrible. I do not usually blog cause I prefer pouring things out to a human rather than a machine. But for now, I am left with this machine in front of me. If that is how things have changed, I really need to learn how to adapt fast cause this is a change that I really dislike. I really feel like a spoilt kid that always feels not satisfied. But I am not really happy and it is affecting my work which will then affect my future. It is something that is pressing for me to deal with so that it does not affect that much. As I said, I usually will talk to a someone. So this typing on the computer really isn't helping at all. That's all, I've got to say/complain. BYE!
Stuffs I painted @ Friday, June 10, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
It has been really really very long since I last blogged and I guess I really do not plan to blog that often..Over the past few months, a lot of things have happened. Hmm..Probably not a lot, just one and it is a major one. It didn't really go as what was desired. Not feeling great about it but since it has happened, what more can I do.The focus now has changed and I really do hope that I won't be failing in that aspect too. Or else I am really a failure in everything. However, the one thing that I do notice is that I have changed. I am not sure what has changed, but something is different about me. This change is really not impacting positively on what I am doing. I do not know what is going on and I am really confused.. =(Probably this is what happens when I feel that I do not have a fixed support system, the fear of just falling into a never-ending black hole scares the hell out of me. That is probably the change that I feel, I am letting the fear of failure and disappointment taking over me. This has caused me to stop or slowed me down in doing things that are suppose to prevent the failure and disappointment. It is just 'All fear but no action' and it really sucks. Do not know what I am going to do to make myself stand up and really run towards my future. I am clear of my goals, but the fear of not reaching them is really becoming a big obstacle as I grow older and older. Haiz. What to do? Any suggestions?
Stuffs I painted @ Monday, June 06, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
It is
!!!
HAHAHA!! Fine. I am 22 days late.. =P
I guess it has been a rocky start for both my studies and also choir.
Studies is partially because dear lazy Jeremy didn't bother to do a proper catch up during the holidays and spent it all on playing, slacking and spending alot of money!! (I am running on deficit now.. -.- ) Oh well. Trying to catch up and make sure everything is alright!!
Choir... Hmmm.. I do not really know what to say. But I believe we can do it. It is definitely in our genes somewhere cause we have done it before. We are a good batch and I refuse to think that we are just bonded on the outside only... There is something deep down that I felt so so so many times with this choir and we just need to dig DEEP enough to present it out in our music..
NJCHOIR, if any of you happen to pop by my blog, I just want to tell you that we can do it. All of us know that we are in this together and no one, I repeat, no one will let go of each other in this journey. And I know that you know that too.
Stuffs I painted @ Saturday, January 22, 2011
Friday, December 10, 2010
Oh god! It really has been ages since I last blogged. Haha. Promised to blog at least once a month, but just too busy/lazy. This is for those who do read my blog and want to know what has been going for the past few months, a quick summary:Promos has passed for a long long time, didn't do badly, manage to promote to next year but alot of work needs to be put in for me to do well for A levels!! Need to START doing work for the holidays, procrastiate alot!! During the 'extra curriculum', I also managed to skip some lessons to go for the ever awesome, Youth Leadership Training Camp 2010! It was definitely tiring and made me uber uber dark, like some charcoal.. But it was great and that was cause NJ leaders are really awesome! Haha. Especially those in VIP!! Haha. =P Kinda like the bond that we have as a group and hope it does last till next year!! Choir practices have been like a roller coaster ride, up and down, sometimes even a 180 degree loop! Met a breaking point recently, probably just too too tired of every thing that is accumulating. There is also alot alot of that needs to be done and things need to start change for the better! Still thinking of ways, but I am seeing a few light rays from the end of the tunnel.. NJCHOIR, trust me, we will not be twirling down the spiral, at least not with this committee that you have now. :)Other than choir, there is also TAS! Haha. Yes I know. Agreed to help so have to put all my heart in to make sure nothing screws up. And again there is alot of work to ensure that, but at least it is occupying my holiday other than school and choir work. Haha.ALL I talk is about work, work and more work. And the Jeremy now, procrastinates alot! So alot of last minute to do which is super super tiring. Don't know what stupid disease made me like this. SLEPT THE WHOLE MORNING + AFTERNOON TODAY(9Dec)!! I need to change too! Healthy lifestyle and more proactive about everything!!Ok. Last but not least are my friends, awesome people. They make me spend the ever so limited time I have, but I have NEVER, EVER felt that I am wasting it. So to ALL the friends that I have spent my time with, THANK YOU!I guess I have to sleep like now!! A really busy day ahead, jia you jia you! I can do it and so do everyone of you who are reading this!! Have a great day!! =D
Stuffs I painted @ Friday, December 10, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
It has been 2 months since I have updated this blog.. Hahaha... Oh well.. Now YOG has ended so PROMOS and PW is all I NEED to focus on... Need to really score well and ace both of them... There is only a 2-3 weeks left for promos... Super worried... Have to come up with a plan... Anyway, I just wanted to blog nice song lyrics that I feel that is quite meaningful and it is by JASON MRAZ. =)If it kills me. Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now
And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
Cause you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend
Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
Well how long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all
Baby there's a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong
Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said a word
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again
All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
I think it might kill me
And all I really want from you is to feel me
It's a feeling inside that keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
It might kill me
Everytime I listen to this song, it gives me something to think about... And it is all about you...
Stuffs I painted @ Thursday, September 02, 2010
